Tistory Tuesday

Like I used to tell Diane, you have to know where you’ve been to jive to where you’re going. Which is why, when we began dating, I provided her with a list of references.

That’s why I’ve started Tistory Tuesday – a multi-part series documenting the history of our noble profession, from Earth’s creation 6,000 years ago to today.

Dentists have held an important role in society throughout human history.  As a matter of fact, studies show that early Assyrians chose their leaders based on who had the best smiles.  In Ancient Egypt, before Pharoahs were said to be part god and part king, they were said to “have tith [teeth] that shown as brightly as the eye of Ra, and sharper than the crocodile’s cunning.”

But of all the important inventions that separate modern ToothJocks from our ancestors, there’s one that stands head and shoulders above the rest – or should I say, collar and sleeve? Of course, I’m referring to the labcoat.

The lab coat is a symbol of learning in Argentina, where it is worn by students.

But how did the labcoat catch on in America? Well, like all our best music, it really caught on in the 1960s.

Labcoats have always been a symbol of peace, love, and staying warm without resorting to such unprofessional attire as “hoodies.”  But lest we forget their most important purpose – sex appeal!
I’m normally a smile-man, but even I would go for the legs on her!  I wonder how she got so toned? I spend 45 minutes on the stair master twice a week and all I have to show for it is massive thighs that barely fit in my cargo pants.
But let’s look towards the future.  What’s next for the trusty labcoat? Stain-resistant sleeves?  Self-drying hem?  Being a member of the International Labcoat League (I.L.L.,) I’m privy to all kind of pilot programs, and have been beta testing one prototype that I’m particularly excited about, especially for the after-lunch appointments (garlic-breath has been known to shorten careers by years and, in extreme cases, lead to cataracts.)
I’m talking about the full-body DentaSuit 64.
If you’re as excited about the DentaSuit as I am, consider donating to the I.L.L.  Your tax deductible donation can help spread the I.L.L.ness by keeping us all healthy… and sylin‘.

QUICK TIP: Vacations with the Family!?

Vacations are a way to remind you of how nice work is.

QUICK TIP:  Don’t put off that vacation!  Get it out of the way!

Usually I enjoy the idea of a weekend. I like the idea of getting away from it all.  I like the concept of “the end of the week.” But every once in a while I lose the gumption. I lose my zest for going out with the boys.  Some weekends I just want to be not working and not partying (whatever that means) and I just want to be.

Those are the weekends I spend with my family. This weekend is one of those weekends.

After a weekend away with Pam and Sam off at some overpriced hotel doing nothing productive and spending every waking hour trying to make them happy, there is nothing more exciting than waking up on Monday morning and getting back to work.

Thanks to my family I can really appreciate the workweek. It’s because of them that I am inspired to be away from home for days and work on becoming a better dentist.

I Apologize, Richard

I would like to issue a formal apology to ten-year-old patient Richard Gremsil.

Today, Richard called me fat. He said I had a ‘fat face.’ It rattled me. I can’t stop thinking about it. I acted as though it didn’t hurt, but I’ve been thinking about it all night.

However, as an adult, I realize that despite how much his comment STILL hurts me, it doesn’t justify what I said. I apologize to the Gremsil family, in particular to Richard, for telling him that he had ‘black malaria’ and that his ‘eyes were going to fall out’ before he ‘died like dinosaurs.’ Even though what Richard said was really, really, really, really, hurtful, I shouldn’t have fibbed to him, because he is a child, and apparently children can’t tell when someone is obviously being ridiculous. So, Gremsil family, if you still would like to be our patients, Mark Schuster and Marc Kaye would gladly have you back.


Happy, Schuster?

Hey Pam! Stuck in Traffic! (for my wife)

Who can say no to this?

Hi Pam,

I know you check this when I’m not home on time, so I didn’t bother to call.  I saw on sig-alert that the 110 and 710 were backed up, and I was a little too hungry to wait over a half hour to get all the way home, so I stopped off and got myself a pizza and a pitcher of beer.  Nothing like a nice pepperoni ‘za to ditch the traffic blues. Then I met a few locals and we had some more beers… they said I could crash at their place tonight, but I don’t think I’ll do that, probably have Schuster and Zeidman come pick me up in an hour or so and then we’ll go out or something. LOOKS LIKE ANOTHER MARC KAYE WEDNESDAY!

Just an FYI!  Love ya,

Hubby Marc (the K man)

Life Quicktip: Don’t Masturbate with Aftershave

gillette after shave

Good for shaving. Not good for masturbation!

Hey Male Patients –

Hope your smiles are beaming. It’s me Dr. Zeidman with an important life quicktip. No matter how much you want to, do NOT masturbate with aftershave. I know what you’re thinking: But what if I run out of lube? What will I use to lube up my fleshlight? Whatever you do, do NOT use aftershave. It feels good for like three seconds then It burns horribly and then the skin on your penis cracks and falls off. My advice: stock up on lube or use hand lotion.


NOTE FOR KAYE AND SCHUSTER: Can you cover me today? I can’t come in.

New Magazines in the Lobby!

Mark Marc Mark always Mans Up!

Once again Mark Marc Mark family dentistry shows our commitment to excellence.  From our state of the art technology in the examination rooms and our magical bedside manner (and sometimes in-bed manner… ZEIDMAN!) we strive to provide the most comfortable, helpful and entertaining dental experience you could hope for.

It should come as no surprise that this includes our strategically furnished and accessorized waiting rooms.  By importing the best read and most socially poignant magazines and periodicals available, Mark Marc Mark hopes to not only make bright beautiful smiles, but also well rounded people.

Come by this week and check out our new Magazines!