Really Japan?

I have nothing against Japanese people. I love sushi. In fact, I even plan to go to Tokyo someday.  I find Japanese women to be very sexy (they seem to be more tan and less pan-faced than the Chinese)  But with all do respect…

ARE THEY ALL RETARDED OVER THERE???

A good buddy of mine from my high-stakes gambling days is living in Japan right now.  He sent me this pic (above) of the rinse cups his Japanese dentist uses.  Jesus Japan, is it that hard to write a simple phrase????  You can’t hire a person who speaks English to write the copy for your ‘American’-style cups????  This is why I will never buy a Toyota.  “Let’s Brushing?” ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? LET’S BRUSHING?????  I would rather kill myself with a water pick than drink out of a cup that says ‘LET’S BRUSHING!’  And then, ‘I am a toothbrush.’  I AM A TOOTHBRUSH???? ARE YOU PEOPLE BABIES?????  I MEAN COME ON OF COURSE IT’S A TOOTH BRUSH!!! Haven’t you people ever heard of SHOW DON’T TELL???? Oh and nice flaccid expression on that gay-wad brush.  That thing has about as much emotion as Japanese people.

Again, I have mad respect for the amazing, incredible Asian cultures, I just wished they spent less time building cutting-edge robots and more time checking their grammar.

Life Quicktip: Don’t Masturbate with Aftershave

Good for shaving. Not good for masturbation!

Hey Male Patients –

Hope your smiles are beaming. It’s me Dr. Zeidman with an important life quicktip. No matter how much you want to, do NOT masturbate with aftershave. I know what you’re thinking: But what if I run out of lube? What will I use to lube up my fleshlight? Whatever you do, do NOT use aftershave. It feels good for like three seconds then It burns horribly and then the skin on your penis cracks and falls off. My advice: stock up on lube or use hand lotion.

Cheers,
-Z

NOTE FOR KAYE AND SCHUSTER: Can you cover me today? I can’t come in.

Get out your toothbrush, the time has come….

For the Toothbrush race of the century (until the next one we have). If on your last visit you received a blue, red or green toothbrush, then you’ve got a horse in this race. Watch below to find out if you’ve won a prize* ( oh and kids, hold on to your socks because this little vid is going to be the ride of your lives). PLEASE TURN YOUR SPEAKERS UP TO FULL VOLUME TO ENSURE FULL ADRENALINE RUSH

This bad boy was created by ‘The Flash Master’ yours truly, Dr. Mark Zeidman. And yeah, I wrote the thrashing metal that’s making your nose bleed (in a good way).

*In order to redeem prize, please present your official MarkMarcMark (winning color) toothbrush on your next visit.

* Prize is a MarkMarcMark gift bag including an adjustable MMM hat, another toothbrush, Lunchables Pizza and a signed picture of all three of us.