MMM Theme (Michael McDonald Cover)

Michael McDonald points to his favorite Mark while recording at Z's home studio.

Today one of our favorite clients came in: Music Legend Michael McDonald. Since he’s one of our bros, he agreed to cover our theme song for practically nothing ($20,000). If you’re a younger patient and don’t know who Michael McDonald is, then be prepared to hear more soul in one cover than in an infinite opus sung by a chorus of 1,000,000 harvested Justin Bieber souls. When a song’s this soulful, it doesn’t matter than you can barely make out any of the lyrics. If you actually care about that crap, you’ll find them  below this INCREDIBLE track:

We’re here so you can smile
Smile so bright you can see it from a mile away
just make sure you brush every day

We’re three cool dudes making your teeth whiter
crack a few jokes make the mood much lighter
and then you’ll say
I wish I got my cavity filled every day

at MarkMarcMarc the second one with a ‘C’
Family Dentistry
at MarkMarcMarc the second one with a ‘C’
Family Dentistry

MarkMarcMark 30s Radio Spot ft. Mario Lopez (uncensored)

What’s up fools? Just got out of the home studio where I was w/ a certain mega celeb who just recorded a new radio spot for our practice. I haven’t censored it yet so this one’s for for cool kids only.

Schuster and Kaye: Listen, we had drinks and I convinced him to do this spot for practically nothing. I know I didn’t run the copy by you guys but sometimes you just gotta roll with it when you’re feelin’ it. M-Lo is so fucking cool I’ll tell you what he said about MPG later. AMAZING.

S – When you wake up do not be a bitch. K THX.

Windwinder – A Children’s Techno Opera by Dr. Z

If there’s one thing that kid’s don’t appreciate these days, it’s a good opera.  Well, I’ve taken it upon myself to put together a project that will mix opera with sugar.  In this case the sugar is made of a few things that kids these days can’t get enough of: Airbenders, techno and that owl movie.  This is the musical story of the Windwinder.  I’ve been working for days on this now, and I’ve already composed a beautiful ballad that will hopefully entice any children’s techno-opera producers or agents to help me get funding.  Enjoy the below track!

Dr. Mark Zeidman – Windwinder

Really Japan?

I have nothing against Japanese people. I love sushi. In fact, I even plan to go to Tokyo someday.  I find Japanese women to be very sexy (they seem to be more tan and less pan-faced than the Chinese)  But with all do respect…

ARE THEY ALL RETARDED OVER THERE???

A good buddy of mine from my high-stakes gambling days is living in Japan right now.  He sent me this pic (above) of the rinse cups his Japanese dentist uses.  Jesus Japan, is it that hard to write a simple phrase????  You can’t hire a person who speaks English to write the copy for your ‘American’-style cups????  This is why I will never buy a Toyota.  “Let’s Brushing?” ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? LET’S BRUSHING?????  I would rather kill myself with a water pick than drink out of a cup that says ‘LET’S BRUSHING!’  And then, ‘I am a toothbrush.’  I AM A TOOTHBRUSH???? ARE YOU PEOPLE BABIES?????  I MEAN COME ON OF COURSE IT’S A TOOTH BRUSH!!! Haven’t you people ever heard of SHOW DON’T TELL???? Oh and nice flaccid expression on that gay-wad brush.  That thing has about as much emotion as Japanese people.

Again, I have mad respect for the amazing, incredible Asian cultures, I just wished they spent less time building cutting-edge robots and more time checking their grammar.

I Apologize, Richard

I would like to issue a formal apology to ten-year-old patient Richard Gremsil.

Today, Richard called me fat. He said I had a ‘fat face.’ It rattled me. I can’t stop thinking about it. I acted as though it didn’t hurt, but I’ve been thinking about it all night.

However, as an adult, I realize that despite how much his comment STILL hurts me, it doesn’t justify what I said. I apologize to the Gremsil family, in particular to Richard, for telling him that he had ‘black malaria’ and that his ‘eyes were going to fall out’ before he ‘died like dinosaurs.’ Even though what Richard said was really, really, really, really, hurtful, I shouldn’t have fibbed to him, because he is a child, and apparently children can’t tell when someone is obviously being ridiculous. So, Gremsil family, if you still would like to be our patients, Mark Schuster and Marc Kaye would gladly have you back.

-Z

Happy, Schuster?

Life Quicktip: Don’t Masturbate with Aftershave

Good for shaving. Not good for masturbation!

Hey Male Patients –

Hope your smiles are beaming. It’s me Dr. Zeidman with an important life quicktip. No matter how much you want to, do NOT masturbate with aftershave. I know what you’re thinking: But what if I run out of lube? What will I use to lube up my fleshlight? Whatever you do, do NOT use aftershave. It feels good for like three seconds then It burns horribly and then the skin on your penis cracks and falls off. My advice: stock up on lube or use hand lotion.

Cheers,
-Z

NOTE FOR KAYE AND SCHUSTER: Can you cover me today? I can’t come in.

Get out your toothbrush, the time has come….

For the Toothbrush race of the century (until the next one we have). If on your last visit you received a blue, red or green toothbrush, then you’ve got a horse in this race. Watch below to find out if you’ve won a prize* ( oh and kids, hold on to your socks because this little vid is going to be the ride of your lives). PLEASE TURN YOUR SPEAKERS UP TO FULL VOLUME TO ENSURE FULL ADRENALINE RUSH

This bad boy was created by ‘The Flash Master’ yours truly, Dr. Mark Zeidman. And yeah, I wrote the thrashing metal that’s making your nose bleed (in a good way).

*In order to redeem prize, please present your official MarkMarcMark (winning color) toothbrush on your next visit.

* Prize is a MarkMarcMark gift bag including an adjustable MMM hat, another toothbrush, Lunchables Pizza and a signed picture of all three of us.

Dental Babe of the Month

Dental Babe of the Month is where we use google to find hot pictures of dentistry-related girls who are attractive, and then bring them to you.

daddy likey

Miss September: Tammy

I found this little hardbody by google image-searching ‘dental hygienist.’  I’m ‘forbidden’ from seeing the full size image from http://www.dentalhygienistsalary.net/ where I found this pic but even in this tiny picture, you can see how symmetrical she is.  Also, I don’t know if her name is Tammy, but we just fill in the blanks with our imagination!

Tammy likes beach volleyball and is also an avid blogger (possibly this one?).  She’s 19 and when she’s not assisting dentists, she attends Arizona State University, where  she majors in modeling.

The Living Teeth

A poem by Dr. Mark Zeidman

When I think about teeth
I think they could be like people.

Can they dance?
No, but they can wiggle.
Are they sad?
Only when they have a cavity!

Do they miss the baby teeth?
Probably.
Do they like each other?
Molars stick together.

Why are they so they dumb?
Because the wisdom teeth are removed.
Why are they so bright?
Because they are white!

Braces: Turn on or Turn off?

A lot of kids are hesitant to get braces because they believe they’re unattractive. Well, I say that’s subjective. Sure, they can turn an awkward teenage boy into a full-blown loser, but on a woman (over 18 of course), braces can add a youthfulness that’s sexually appealing. Though in practicality, the act of kissing a person with braces is probably a worse experience than the norm (due to bacteria from rotting food stuck in the braces), I find the idea of a chick with braces is quite exciting. In fact, I frequently search for this on the internet.